Hello, lovely readers! How are you doing this fine Saturday?
It’s actually Friday right now, as I write this. I just sat down with a snack and my laptop after a morning/afternoon of “weekly cleaning”. I have a bit of an idea for the topic of this post, but I’m not entirely sure what all I’m going to write. We’ll see how this goes. I’m trying to stay on my blogging schedule! 😉
(picture found on pixabay.com)
So, I’m a writer. Thus, it might not surprise you that I journal my prayers. I haven’t always done this, but I started my first prayer journal at around eleven or twelve-years-old. Journaling my prayers was sporadic from there on out. In the year of 2014, February 25th to be exact, I started writing down my prayers in a new journal—a pretty blue one that I received from a cousin for my seventeenth birthday. That was a year of a lot of seeking on my part.
13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.
5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
Before you were born I set you apart;
This song pretty much sums up the passion burning in my heart:
“I know that I am far from perfect
But through You the cross still says I’m worth it
So take this beating in my heart and
Come and finish what You started
When they see me, let them see You
‘Cause I just wanna be different,”
But anyway. For a span of a couple months, I wrote and wrote and wrote in that journal. I prayed for a more intimate walk with Jesus Christ. I prayed for my friends and acquaintances at youth group and Bible study. I prayed a lot for my brothers in Christ that year—I think because one of my friends had a heart to see them grow into men of God and that influenced me. I prayed for singers I knew of who were going through personal loss. I prayed for my family. I prayed for authors I loved. I prayed for friends who were entering romantic relationships. I prayed for growth and blessing in my parent’s marriage. I prayed for deepened faith. I prayed for healing and I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed for my grandma who’d lost beloved family members. I prayed for boys I was interested in. I prayed for my future husband. I prayed for the strength to surrender my deep desire for marriage and babies. I prayed about my story, Silver Rose, asking for God’s guidance and wisdom concerning that—for His will to be done and glory be brought to Him!
(My blue prayer journal!)
I don’t recall why, but I stopped writing down my prayers in that blue journal for awhile. 2015 and 2016 were kind of rough years for me. I went through some depression and feeling lost. I started writing in a different journal (which I’d received as a graduation gift from some dear friends), and recorded my prayers there periodically.
At the end of 2017, I picked up my blue journal again, which was a little over halfway filled. I’ve started writing down my prayers again often, and it’s been a joy! It helps me keep focused on praying and it truly is a sweet time with the Lord.
How lovely is Your tabernacle,
O Lord of hosts!
2 My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the Lord;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
3 Even the sparrow has found a home,
And the swallow a nest for herself,
Where she may lay her young—
Even Your altars, O Lord of hosts,
My King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in Your house;
They will still be praising You.
O God, You are my God;
Early will I seek You;
My soul thirsts for You;
My flesh longs for You
In a dry and thirsty land
Where there is no water.
So, all that to say, I finished my blue prayer journal! It’s all filled up with prayers from my heart! (And also a few letters to my future husband). It’s certainly a treasure to me.
Sometimes I read through it from the beginning and marvel at the prayers that God answered! The places He’s grown me. The ways He has spoken to my heart.
I relate still, so much, with the seventeen-year-old me.
Blue Prayer Journal: February 25th, 2014
I want to be set-apart for You, Lord. I want a relationship with You that is beyond any human relationship. I want to shine for You wherever I go. I want to know without a doubt that I can run to You when my heart is broken. I want my life to brim with meaning – I want to live in obedience and love with abandon.
However, life has a way of pulling me down. Satan has a way of whispering lie after lie into my ears in vicious attack. I get weary of a “every-day-is-the-same” life. I get weary. I don’t want to try anymore.
But, Lord, I do believe there’s something greater. And that’s why I’ve started this prayer journal, and have been trying recently to read my Bible more. I’m striving for a life in the center of Your will, Lord, so I plead that You will give me the strength, because I certainly can’t do it on my own!
Yes, I relate to her. But I also see how different I am from the me then. Different in subtle ways, that I might not realize at a brief thought. But as read through my prayers then, I realize …
My God has been so faithful to me.
He has answered my prayers. –My heart’s desire to know Him more. He has grown me and drawn me nearer to Him!
10 The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
God has carried me through years of overwhelming anxiety. The days when I thought for sure my mom and siblings had gotten in a car accident because they were a few minutes late. The nights where I tried to stifle the gut-wrenching sobs that came from a place of unexplainable grief and fear squeezing my soul. The frightening hours of questioning everything I knew. The long, intense moments of drowning in a mistrust of God. The feeling of yawning emptiness inside. The disappearance of my passions, my desires, my excitement for life, my hope. The fear of death, the fear of disease, the fear of the unknown, the fear of not being wanted.
I feared the end of this life, but I was too scared to live.
Anxiety/depression is still a very real struggle for me. Some days I battle it all day. But I fight. Because I know my God fights for me. Because I know the victory is His, and I am His. So the victory is mine.
2 Thessalonians 3:3
3 But the Lord is faithful, who will establish you and guard you from the evil one.
(The year of 2014 shortly before my family moved. I painted my little sister’s toes and mine the same sparkly pink. *grins*)
My friends, I have found my hope again. As I deal with anxiety/depression, it’s becoming more and more natural to turn to God – my Protector – right away. And even though I’m still trying to find physical healing and get help for this mental struggle, I do find victory! I don’t know how to explain it.
God didn’t take the struggle away. But I feel He’s stepped right into the midst of it. When I surrender and open up my heart to Him, it’s like He lovingly says, “I’m right here, daughter. I have you. No matter what happens, you are going to be alright.”
5 Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
Oh, He is good!
So, so faithful. It was just a week or two ago that I felt like I was within the clutches of despair bordering on terror. So I started praying. And as I prayed God’s truth over myself and reminded myself of all that I am in Him, tears welled up in my eyes and the sweetness of it swept over me. Peace descended on me.
I am His.
His daughter. His princess. His bride. And no one can take that away from me. He chose me. No one can take His love from me. No one can take me from Him. I am loved. I am secure.
5 For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
And as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
So shall your God rejoice over you.
I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m so imperfect that sometimes it terrifies me! But then I have to remind myself that I’m His and secure in Him. And He is growing me … what a beautiful thing! He is completing the work He began in me. In my weakness, HE IS STRONG.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Reading through my prayer journal shows me God’s hand in my life. It encourages me when I doubt that I have changed/grown.
And it reminds me that God doesn’t see time as we do. Sometimes I look back and feel as though I’ve wasted my whole life. I’ve done nothing. I’ve been nothing. I’ve not impacted or made a difference for anyone. It’s all meaningless.
But all those years God was pursuing me. Working on me. Helping me through my struggles. Preparing me! Who knows … perhaps for amazing things He yet has in store for this earthly life of mine.
(Me and baby brother in 2014)
Perhaps I’ll have the beautiful role of a wife and mother someday! Maybe I’ll get to publish my fantasy novel, and other stories. Perhaps I’ll get more followers on my blogs or Youtube channel and it can be my main ministry.
And right now I have the chance to touch the lives of my siblings and parents! And friends. I can take small steps to start mentoring younger sisters in the faith. I’m thinking about starting a small Bible study for older teens.
And I’m excited. Whatever God wants to do in and through me, I have faith that He can do it! Daily, I’m striving to surrender my passions, dreams, gifts, hopes, desires, ideas, and personality – myself! – to Him.
10 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.
I want my life to make much of His holy and good Name.
And so I seek Him and wait in expectation. ❤
Blue Prayer Journal: February 8th, 2018
Gracious Father, to end this prayer journal, I want to first thank You for how far You’ve brought me since I started it! I still struggle, but I can see how You’ve grown me and assured me of Your love … and that is beautiful. ❤ I love You, Lord! Show me how to love You, and Your people, well!
Now it’s your turn! After that rather lengthily amount of rambling about my journal (I’m impressed if you made it through!), I’d like to hear your thoughts.
HAVE YOU EVER USED A PRAYER JOURNAL?
WHAT ARE SOME WAYS GOD HAS WORKED IN YOUR LIFE?
DO YOU KNOW THAT GOD CAN STEP INTO THE MIDST OF YOUR BIGGEST STRUGGLES AND FEARS, AND USE YOUR PASSIONS AND GIFTS FOR HIS KINGDOM? ❤
10 thoughts on “the journey”
I feel as though you and I have alot in common. I have kept a prayer journal since I was 10, and you’re right, it helps so much to be able to look back and see how faithful our Lord has been! I have clung to many of the verses you posted above, especially Psalm 63:1 and Psalm 43:5. God is so faithful! He has been continually teaching me to trust him no matter what. I too am learning to give up the want to have a husband. Just when I think I’m content I start to wonder about my future. But God is all I need, even when I get lonely. I must be patient with His timing. Keep on pressing forward my lady, may God bless you!
Hello! 🙂 Thank you for stopping by and commenting!
Aw, I’m glad you could relate! That’s wonderful that you’ve been keeping a prayer journal since you were young! It is such a beautiful thing! ❤ Psalm 43:5 is definitely a verse I return to again and again!
It's definitely a journey … learning to trust! And surrendering the desire to be married! I'm always wondering and pondering, and it feels like I daily have to give it to the Lord! TRUST. 🙂 And yes, patience! God's timing and plan are BEST!
Thank you, my friend! ❤ May God bless you, too! I pray you continue growing in Him … learning to trust Him more … and finding beauty & joy in walking His path.
So good!! You are a gifted writer for sure!!Loved all of it!! Keep writing because you just never know who you can touch. Such an encouraging message!! God is with us in our struggles even when we don’t always feel him!! Love and God bless you!!
Aw, thank you, Louise! You’ve so encouraged me with this comment!! ❤ I've really been putting more effort into blogging regularly because I keep getting the feeling that God can use my words to encourage/challenge/bless others! I hope it is a ministry of sorts. 🙂
Yes, He is! Sometimes I need to just speak that truth over myself … "Lord, You ARE with me. You ARE good. I can trust You, o my God!" ❤
Love you, too! God bless you and fill you with His joy and peace!
Yes! Jesus! Read HIS words written in the scriptures. And having a red letter edition of the Bible is so much more helpful in times of need. His truths are all there for us to read, I am so thankful for that. You are certainly HIS workmanship unto perfection thru Jesus. Amazing.
And I just want to encourage you to keep writing even if you don’t get much of a response. Not everyone who reads your blog is going to respond but that doesn’t mean you are not reaching out to help to someone. When God lays something on your heart obedience is all that matters! Keep on shining for HIS truth. God Bless you.
Yes! Over the past few years, I’m finding it increasingly more comforting to read God’s Word – to read Truth! I have a few different versions of the Bible, and some are red-letter editions.
We all are His work … His masterpieces … Praise Jesus! ❤
Ah, thank you for the encouragement, and challenge, Miriam. ❤ I needed to hear that. I'm striving to keep this blog going strong, and praying it reaches at least one person in need!!
God bless you, too! Thank you so much for commenting! May His beautiful peace surround you!
Beautifully written, my dear ❤ I struggle with taking the time to write in my prayer journal, life just seems to get away from me. And I always blame it on how busy I am… I have to take care of Lane and his needs, I need to prepare a meal for my husband, I need to keep a clean house and safe environment for my little family, I need to make sure I devot as much attention as I can to the dear little girl that I nanny, I need to make sure that I workout daily to stay in shape… the list seems to go on and on. And at the end of each day I fall into bed completely exhausted. But perhaps, if I took more time to write my prayers down and devot time to God, I would fall asleep feeling at peace and not already anxious about the day to come. It’s crazy how hearing or reading what someone else has to say can really cause you to take a step back and put some thought into how you’re living your own daily life. Thank you for the inspiration. Praying for you, as you continue to grow and become closer to Christ. What an amazing thing it is, to be a daughter of the one true God. 😭❤ Love, hugs, and Gods blessings to you and the rest of the family!
Thank you, Emily! ❤
Aw, it can be a struggle. I know you're busier than I am, and the things you're doing are important … taking care of your family is a beautiful role God's given you! ❤ But YES, it helps with the anxiety … and everything! Over the past year or two, I've discovered such an amazing peace and pure sweetness from spending time with Jesus!
I know as I go through different seasons, my life will probably be really, really busy at time and I'll struggle to find time to write in my prayer journal and spend time in the Word … but it's oh, so important to take time for. I'll probably have to start getting up real early! (My favorite, ha! ;P )
Aw, you're welcome, dear friend! Praying for you, too, as you grow in your relationship with the Lord!
I know there are good devotionals for busy moms. It's probably hard for you to find time alone to pray, what with caring for two little ones, but if you can, it's so reviving and beautiful. If I don't find time to write in my prayer journal or take a "prayer walk", I like to just say little prayers throughout the day – keep my mind stayed on Him. Definitely haven't perfected this … but I'm starting to learn things! 🙂
Yes, yes! Daughters of the King! We are forever His, and that is so reassuring! ❤
*HUGS* Love you, Emily! God bless you and yours!
I think everyone goes through a hard time in their life. A time of doubting and fears and questions. I did. I was probably around the same age as you, too.
I also feared the end of this world, but the thought of having to grow up and live in this world also frightened me.
There was a time when I couldn’t even go into a grocery store. A fast food restaurant. The thought of people looking at me, talking to me, was far too much to bare.
Praise the Lord, He took that away from me! Looking back, I am amazed at how far He has brought me. And how much I have grown.
I pray you can continue to ever look to Jesus. For He is always looking out for you.
Yes, I think so. I went through a rough season when I was almost entering my teen years. From there on out, there were a lot of struggles. Some of the past few years have been especially hard. But I can finally see that I'm growing! God is at work!
Praise Him! Oh, Felicity, I'm so happy and encouraged to hear what God's doing in your life! From reading your blog, I knew you had some heavy struggles, some similar to mine. But I could see God working in and through you. Just seeing you last time, I feel like you've blossomed! 🙂 ❤ So happy for you, and praying you continue to thrive in Him!
Thank you, dear friend. ❤ You're a blessing!