Things I Appreciate About Singleness + Thoughts on the Desire of My Heart

Hello! I’m back with another post at last. Friends, it’s hard to keep up a blog schedule without having my own laptop, but I’ll attempt to do better! …Because I have so many things on my heart and thoughts running through my head that I just want to share with you all! *hugs*

So let’s talk a little bit about singleness … and marriage(!) … today.

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BENEFITS OF SINGLENESS:

  • Time to Grow Closer to God

Not that I’m planning toΒ notΒ put my relationship with the Lord first when I’m married, have children, etc., but I think singleness provides me with extra time to pursue wisdom and intimacy in my walk with Jesus Christ. For example, when all my friends are hanging out with their boyfriends/husbands on a Friday night, when they’re busy with their little babies, when I feel alone in a crowd because everyone else has their special someone … I can start a quiet conversation with God right then and there and talk about how I’m feeling. Or anything. It’s a beautiful thing to have someone who belongs to you and you to them in this life, but when you’re in a season of singleness and often find yourself alone it’s the perfect chance to realize God’s constant, powerful, tender Presence. And are not quality time and conversation how you grow closer to someone? He’s always there for me. I really think singleness has helped me become more acutely aware of that. I find myself talking to the Lord all throughout the day. I can always go to the Lover of my Soul – my Father in heaven. And that is a rich truth that perhaps many people never realize because they never allow themselves to be lonely on this earth.

  • Opportunity to Develop Close Friendships with Other Women

I have loved seeing how, as I surrender this single season to God, He brings lovely women into my life, and reminds me what a blessing the opportunity to get to know them while I’m still single is! I am a very relational person, and it has occurred to me that my loneliness probably won’t go away once I get married. No, I’m still going to need other people in my life – particularly close female friends who I can trust. If I never make an effort to develop friendships with other women while I’m single, I may find myself lonely for an even longer time in marriage. I imagine as a newlywed you’re busy learning how to be a wife and wanting to spend every spare moment with your husband … and maybe it’s even harder to make the effort to find friends. Even when you really need them! So I think these friendships I’m growing in now as I’m single will be invaluable to me someday when I’m married, learning to be a wife, and realizing for real that my husband can’t be my everything and fulfill every relational and emotional need. And, I mean, he’ll probably have to be gone several hours a day, working. *laughs* πŸ˜‰ Anyway, yes. I meet other women – making new friends and reconnecting with old ones – and I can’t help but wonder if I would have made an effort to get to know these beautiful individuals better if I was dating right now. Maybe I’d be too busy hanging out with him, getting to know him, talking on the phone with him, thinking about him, etc., etc. Those are all good things in God’s good timing. *winks* But right now God has put dear women in my life that hopefully I can pour into and grow close to.

  • Opportunity to Encourage Other People in a Season of Singleness

Tying right into the last point, I was struck by how particularly wonderful it is to be friends with other single women. I love my married girlfriends and girlfriends who are in relationships dearly, but being friends with other singles gives us a chance to connect with and encourage each other in a unique way. I remember meeting with a new friend the beginning of this year and just feeling a thankfulness that I wasn’t dating right then! She was struggling and I was struggling and we had the chance to speak right to each other’s hearts … to share deeply and know that the other understood. Now, married girls can understand as well! After all, they were single once, too. But it’s different to be experiencing a season together with a sister in Christ. Maybe God still has me in this season of singleness because He wants me to be there for some of His other single daughters. Yes, Lord! Use me to touch Your precious daughters’ lives. And I know I am so blessed in the process as they touch mine.

  • More Quality Time with Siblings and Parents

If I had gotten married even a couple of years ago, I would not be near as close to my siblings as I am now. Is it hard, sometimes, as a twenty-one-year-old woman to live with my parents and six younger siblings still? Yes. I won’t lie. But at the same time, I cherish their close presence in my life and the unwavering, loyal relationships we have forged – especially in recent years. We may have a hard time understanding each other at times, but I truly count them as friends and they are some of my biggest supporters. They have my back, and I have theirs. I’m sure I can’t describe how deep my love is for each of them, and I wouldn’t wish away the time I’ve had with them. My older brother moved away a couple years ago and there is an empty place in the household. I miss him and him being here at home! Yes, life moves on and people start lives of their own, but it reminds you to cherish the time you do have living together!

  • Choice to Live Where I Want

You know, if I get married, it’s possible that my husband will move me away from my family at some point. It would be okay, though hard; but right now I’m happy that I have the choice to settle near the people who I’ve been with my entire life.

  • Freedom to Do What I Want with My Extra Time

I can devote all my free time to writing, reading, blogging, and pursuing other passions, ideas, and hobbies. I can decide to go on vacation here or there to visit friends without worrying about my husband’s input. I can spend however much money I feel is appropriate on books … hehe. πŸ˜‰ *laughs* I live with my parents and siblings, but for the most part I can do what I want with my free time without having to get someone’s opinion or confer with someone else’s schedule. I can go shopping. Randomly go relax and write at a coffee shop for a few hours. Go to Chick-fil-A and book shopping. Watch a girly movie. Really anything I feel like on a week night or weekend without worrying about my husband or small children. If I had a husband I might rather do something with him. Or he might want to have a quiet evening with me after a long day at work, and I would want to give that to him. Or he might feel we should visit someone or do this or that … None bad things! But I have to remind myself to be thankful for the opportunities more unique to this season! πŸ™‚

***

As important as it is to pursue gratitude in the season you’re in, there’s also nothing wrong with desiring and hoping for marriage, I believe! And being excited! So … here’s my second list. Just for fun. πŸ˜‰

THINGS I’M EXCITED ABOUT IN MARRIAGE:

  • Having a Best Friend

Someone to do life with. To share all the moments – good and bad – with. To laugh with.Β  Having someone who loves me despite my imperfection. Someone who understands me heart and soul …

  • Someone to Pursue God with

Having a true best friend means, in my case, having a forever partner in this life who I can serve and glorify our King with! I can’t wait to seek the Lord together with my husband. To do ministry together. To love people together. To answer God’s callings as a team. To combine passions and dreams and encourage each other to live life for His honor. I’m so excited. My deepest desire is for Jesus, and to share that desire with the man I’m supposed to be one with sounds powerful.

  • Reading the Bible Together!

Studying God’s Word. Discussing Scripture. I can’t wait to talk for hours and hours about our awesome God with my husband. Have someone to go to with my questions. I know he won’t always have answers, but just having someone you know you can be so vulnerable with … Going to church with my man! Committing to and connecting with a church and having that community of brothers and sisters in Christ with my own little family.

  • Praying Together

I’m a little self-conscious about praying aloud, but I believe in the power and beauty of prayer and can’t wait to pursue a deep prayer life with my husband. Baring our hearts and souls before God as one.

  • Belonging to Someone

Having someone who I belong exclusively to sounds lovely. Just being able to walk into a room, go straight to his side and feel safe and at home. *beams*

  • Leadership

Having a leader. Being his helpmeet. Being his missus. I think God’s design for marriage is so BEAUTIFUL and POWERFUL and I’m excited about the chance to grow into a godly wife and be a support and joy to one of God’s sons. Having the purpose of that!

  • Someone I can Hug whenever I want πŸ˜€

I’ve talked with several different ladies about how women often crave affection from the men in their life. When a trusted man gives a big bear hug, there’s something about that that makes us feel so secure and protected and cherished. It’s a special thing. But at the same time there are certain boundaries and barriers and brokenness in certain situations … so I look forward to having my own guy who I can get hugs from a lot. πŸ™‚

  • Taking Care of My own Household

Cleaning and organizing how I want. Cooking for my husband. Hosting. Being a stay-at-home-Mommy. #enoughsaid

  • Having Someone Who will Listen to My Endless Chatter

Okay, maybe he won’t love listening to me talk for hours – but let me dream while I’m still single. *laughs* But truly, I look forward to having my own someone who I can talk to each day.

  • My Wedding Day

I am really looking forward to my wedding day, I must admit. πŸ˜‰ Sharing a very wonderful life event with my dearest family and friends … celebrating together the joining of my life to some special man that God chose for me. Ah. I love family and laughter and fellowship … and weddings are such joyful, intimate affairs. I’m excited for that if it be in my future. πŸ™‚

***

I’m coming to a place of accepting the season I’m in and desiring God’s will and to glorify Him above all else.

But I will admit that my heart aches oh so much as I write this. It’s not exactly a bad ache. It just tells me how very much I desire this.

I think that desire maybe reflects something bigger. Like a deeper hidden desire in my soul that longs for God and to be home with Him.

In the end, I was created for Jesus.

So my desire for marriage teaches me something. If I let it, it leads me to quiet reflection about the ultimate Lover of my soul. Everything points to Him.

If I get married someday, I hope earnestly that my marriage points to Him. ❀ This is something that I pray for.

Right now, I let myself ache if I need to and know that the Lord holds my heart.

I also know that if He has marriage in store for me, He knows the man I will one day marry! With a desire for marriage, I choose to bring my future husband before God in my prayers in faith that He knows my heart and will continue leading me.

So, future husband, I’m praying for you!

***

A little note of encouragement for the guys out there:

Your role as men, leaders, pursuers is incredibly powerful and important. You don’t know how much we appreciate it when you live out God’s design for your masculinity, your strength, etc. I don’t know that we, as women, have the words to describe how we feel when you purposefully pursue a woman, gently woo her, and tenderly cherish her heart. We see a glimpse of Jesus Christ when you are willing to go to all lengths to win her heart – to prove to her she’s loved by you. When you call her beautiful when she feels anything but.

Men, your role is amazingly special. And we deeply treasure what you do. It’s invaluable. Your masculinity. Your strength. Your leadership. Your protection. Don’t let the world tell you otherwise – it almost takes my breath away to see a man acting like a man and a woman acting like a woman, as God designed, displaying a beautiful relationship that reflects a beautiful Storyteller’s love for His creation.

I am not worthy of a good man’s love, but if a man stepped up and loved me and cared for me despite my faults, I know it would remind me of my Savior who gave it all for me and for you.

So, men, we appreciate you. We are grateful for the responsibility you take on as the head of a household. We appreciate the role that God created you for. We feel deeply honored if you choose to pursue in a godly way (even if a relationship doesn’t work out or even come to fruition in the end). The world tries to mess up gender roles and call masculinity toxic and distort God’s amazing design for men and women to be different, but WE WANT YOU TO BE MANLY MEN. When men act masculine, we feel feminine. And that’s just lovely. πŸ™‚

***

Anyway, before I ramble on forever, I’ll end this post. Please comment below and let me know your thoughts!

SINGLES, WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU APPRECIATE ABOUT THIS SEASON?

MARRIED FOLK, WHAT’S SOMETHING YOU LOVE ABOUT BEING MARRIED?

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