Dear sisters in Christ, today I want to talk to you about the dangers of shame.
Shame is something that a lot of you may carry. And it’s something that needs to be dealt with, lest it destroy you.
I think shame is oftentimes, if not always, Satan’s tool. Not God’s.
Shame says: You are wrong. Not: You’ve done wrong.
Shame is an identity.
An identity that suffocates you and leads you into darkness and confusion.
You might feel shame because of “really bad” sins in your past.
You might feel shame because of something done to you.
You might feel shame because of emotional or verbal abuse.
You might feel shame simply because your personality, perspective, or circumstances make you more vulnerable to it than others.
But the truth is, as a daughter of God, shame should not be an identity you claim. Yes, there are times of guilt, remorse, conviction, and repentance.
17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit,
A broken and a contrite heart—
These, O God, You will not despise.
But when you can hardly look at or think about yourself without being drenched in shame, then you are embracing a lie straight from the mouth of the Evil One.
Because, if you are a daughter of God, you are redeemed. Made pure. And as a human being, you are made in the image of God!
Yes, mankind chose sin and perverted perfection. But if you trust in Jesus Christ as your Savior, then when God looks at you, He sees Jesus. As He accepts Jesus, He accepts you in Jesus. As He loves Jesus, He loves you in Christ Jesus.
3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ, 4 just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love, 5 having predestined us to adoption as sons by Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the good pleasure of His will, 6 to the praise of the glory of His grace, by which He made us accepted in the Beloved.
Don’t hold onto shame.
It will pollute you, your relationships, and your life.
Particularly when it comes to romantic relationships, shame can be very dangerous.
A girl might accept all kinds of nonsense from a man because she doesn’t believe that she, personally, could get any better treatment.
She might participate in sin because her boyfriend communicates that she’s worth no more, and she accepts that because of her identity of shame.
She might settle for a guy who abuses her. Emotionally. Verbally. Even physically.
She might stay with a guy who is unstable or self-absorbed because, well, at least he wants her and doesn’t seem to care that she’s this, this, and this.
I mean, who could want a messed-up, stupid, failure of a woman like herself? If this guy will actually take her, she better make this relationship work.
A Christian girl might imagine herself unworthy of a godly man, for whatever reason. Therefore, instead of waiting for a man who will lovingly lead her toward Christ, pursue God with her, and truly strive to live out marriage as the Bible commands, she will run headlong into the first relationship that, unbelievably, comes her way.
But, my precious sisters, that is not how you follow Christ.
God is not pleased when your boyfriend (or any person) treats you badly, carelessly, or with selfish intent. God calls people to love you as He loves you.
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.
God is not pleased when you make ungodly, unBiblical, insensible, foolish, harmful, careless, or hasty decisions based on your self-claimed identity of shame and your idea that you couldn’t possibly have a good and beautiful marriage like godly people get.
God makes people godly.
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.
Breathe in His grace. Sit at His feet. See yourself as He sees you to be. Breathe out His love. And accept every good and undeserved gift He gives. Rejoice and glorify Him through that gift.
No, none of us deserve an awesome spouse – because we aren’t awesome.
But God is awesome.
And He chose you. He wants you. He loves you.
He has a specific plan for your life. Things like love. Joy. Peace. Purpose. Ministries. Relationships. Fellowship. Marriage. Children. Jobs. Mission Work. Education. Passions and hobbies …
He works through any and all these things to glorify Himself in and through your life, and draw you and others ever closer to Himself.
11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. 13 And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back from your captivity; I will gather you from all the nations and from all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you to the place from which I cause you to be carried away captive.
You may not feel you should get a godly spouse. That a godly man would want you. But if God wants to give you marriage, then by all means, accept that amazingly godly man and shout praises to your Father in heaven. He is awesome!
Let Him wash away the shame.
When you are His, washed clean by the powerful blood of Christ Jesus, you are CLEAN. All clean. No more shame, sweet girl. Bask in God’s love and let God’s love sanctify and change you.
You may have some more growing to do before you are ready to partner with and serve alongside a godly man.
But rest assured, if God is leading your heart toward marriage, He would have you choose a godly man.
Don’t settle for a man who will pull you away from Christ, or even sit back and watch as you strive for faith. Wait for a man who will push you toward God. Who will run the race with you. Who will worship God wholeheartedly with you.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16
14 Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? 15 And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? 16 And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God.
Wait for a man who will see you as God sees you.