My friends, I have been on a journey of rediscovering my joy and passion. In the past couple years, I’ve struggled a lot … but life is coming back to me! I’m learning to put my faith in my Lord. Find my hope in my Heavenly Father.
It isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be really hard work! Some days you feel like you’re taking two steps back for every one forward. But I am growing – and oh, isn’t that a lovely thing? ^_^
If you are feeling frightened and hopeless like I was when I wrote the post below (last year), then I want you to know you’re not alone. God is faithful to bring us out of the valleys in time. There is hope in front of you. And heaven is His promise for His children.
Some days, I just want to go home. I’m talking about my home in heaven.
Because some days are simply hard.
I’m incredibly blessed in many ways – not lacking in food, or shelter, or material things. I have a family whom I love very much. And dear friends, whom I can at least keep in touch with online. But that’s not to say that I haven’t had a share of emotional and mental trials.
I’ve had days of emotional pain, fear, anxiety, loneliness, and hopelessness. Where my deepest fears and hurts seem magnified into life-sized foes. When, after an exhausting battle with irrational terror, I just want to curl up in a dark corner and fade away in non-existence.
I’ve experienced being thrust into confusing and difficult times … where hope is dashed … And my joy in life suddenly wanes. One day I wake up and realize I can’t see a future for myself.
Even after the intense hurt diminishes, I’m still left with a frustrating listlessness. A lack of excitement for life.
I feel purposeless. What is the point of my life? I feel hopeless. I can’t change things. I can’t make it better.
Sometimes I struggle to trust God. God, do You really, really care? I mean, how could someone like me have Your love? You who created galaxies and conquered death and reign for eternity. There are so many people who serve You so much better than I do.
Do You really see me, God, down here, afraid of everything?
Other days, I think I get a glimpse of His glory, and suddenly my soul longs for heaven, the place it was surely created for!
There, I will know and be fully known. There, I will know that I am utterly and completely loved. There, my doubts, fears, and struggles will be entirely gone. There, I will see Jesus face to face! There, I will run to His arms and feel love, security, and peace. –And awe. Awe for my King.
There, I will be complete.
And here on earth, where the heart is burdened, it sounds particularly beautiful, the thought of being complete. The thought of resting in Jesus’ presence. Of praising His holy name in abandon.
For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by life.
2 Corinthians 5:4
But, I suppose there’s still work for me to do here. And as hopeless and bleak as I sometimes feel my future is, God must have a plan. Because I’m still here. The world is still turning.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
So. I need to choose to trust God. To surrender to Him. Even in the hurt and the fear, I need to reach out and cling to Him, where He’s waiting for me.
Because You have been my help, therefore in the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice. My soul follows close behind You; Your right hand upholds me.
I must stop letting the darkness surround me and the Enemy’s lies cloud my thinking. Deep down, I know I’m letting darkness win when I stay in the hopeless place, afraid. Afraid of life. Afraid to reach out to the Lord.
No more. Because Satan does not claim the victory. I do. Through Jesus Christ and His awesome sacrifice and love! Because I am a Daughter of Light. And I can take my God’s Word and speak truth over myself.
Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us.
For You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord shall enlighten my darkness.
2 Samuel 22:29
Speak truth! Always, always, speak truth. Cling to hope. Dive into love with abandon. God is love. And He loves me. He loves you. Even when we don’t believe it, He loves us absolutely, unconditionally.
My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.
My dear friends, if you understand how I feel, if you’re afraid, if you’re feeling hopeless, please don’t struggle alone. I’m here for you, a sister in Christ. Let me know if you want me to pray for you, or if you need someone to talk to.
Speak truth, brothers and sisters. Live for Jesus. And look forward to heaven. –Where we will be complete.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who according to His abundant mercy has begotten us again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance incorruptible and undefiled and that does not fade away, reserved in heaven for you,
1 Peter 1:3-4
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, neither faints nor is weary. His understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the weak, and to those who have no might He increases strength. Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall, but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.
** Originally published on Between the Pages of This Bookish Life, April 15th, 2016 **