Boys … Can We Just Be Friends?

It seems like a question that often comes up . . . “Can guys and girls be just friends?”

As girls, we want to be friends with guys, because they’re fun to be around. They’re interesting. They make us laugh. They have a unique and different perspective. Oftentimes, it’s a lot simpler to be around them than a group of young women; they’re more easy-going and quick to see humor. We value them and time spent together.

So the question is, can young men and women be just good, old friends . . . or does the relationship between guys and girls always include flirting, secret interest, and broken hearts?


Well, I believe that young woman can, and should, have guy friends. In fact, I think it’s vital. It’s healthy and wonderful to have brothers in Christ. Godly men can help us become better women. And we, as godly women, can help them become better men. We can encourage and support each other.

I think God put us here for each other. We were created for meaningful companionship. Fellowship with other brothers and sisters in Christ is a beautiful and powerful thing! And I don’t think God meant for women to solely hang out with women, and men with men. -Only associating with someone of the opposite gender if you’re in a romantic relationship.

No, we can learn from each other! And if it’s not God’s time for us to be part of a romance, we should still be able to have friendships, encouragement, and even guidance from men in our lives.

Proverbs 27:17

17 As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.

See, I believe men can share some unique insight with us that perhaps women in our lives can’t. Now, fathers and brothers can also do this. But maybe you don’t have brothers. Perhaps your relationship with your father is unhealthy. That’s when I think it’s extremely important for your brothers in Christ to step in – in a godly, mature, and selfless way.

My older brother and some of his friends have really helped me in things like accepting who I am. Feeling like lady. Wanting to be more gentle, and nurturing, and Christ-like.

With men as friends, I believe we can see more clearly that there are good, Christian guys in the world who care about us and simply like us just the way we are. They can be examples of what we should wait for in a future husband.

And hopefully, we can do the same for them. Encourage them to seek the Lord. Make them want to be better men. Be examples of what they should be waiting for in a future wife.

I truly think having godly, kind young men in my life has helped me just to be content and secure, and not thinking I have to be a certain image and have a boyfriend to be acceptable in the eyes of men.

Now ultimately, God is the only one who can bring us to full contentment, and show us that our security and identity is found in Him. But I think He does intend for us to help each other out. To be friends. To be examples. To be support.

This all being said, it’s vastly important to search your heart and choose your friends wisely.

1 Corinthians 15:33

33 Do not be deceived: “Evil company corrupts good habits.”

Hang out with godly men. *smiles* Not those who are going to lead you astray or tempt you to fit a certain image, like I mentioned before.

Proverbs 12:26

26 The righteous should choose his friends carefully,
For the way of the wicked leads them astray.

And I think it’s best to keep these friendship limited to mostly group settings. One-on-one, personal, “best friends” relationships with guys often lead to heartache. Either your heartache, or theirs. It’s way too easy to become emotionally attached when you’re pouring out your life story and struggles to one certain guy; and feelings tend to develop on one side or the other.

So be careful.

And behave in a modest manner. One befitting a lady of God. ^_^ Having fun and joking around is certainly entertaining. (And most of the time, perfectly appropriate!) But I think it’s always good to check myself and make sure it’s not becoming flirtatious . . . either outwardly, or in my heart.

Try to think things like: If his future wife was standing beside us, how would she feel?

Or: If a girl was acting this way toward my husband, how would I feel?

Just to be sure you’re acting appropriately. Believe me, it’s better for everyone in the long run! Emotional attachments, heartbreak, and the like are not fun.

But having guy friends is. So have friends! In a God-honoring way,  they certainly are encouraging and great relationships!

1 Timothy 5:1-2

Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.