Book Review: Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart by Kristen Clark & Bethany Beal

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Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart: Discovering the Beauty and Freedom of God-Defined Sexuality by Kristen Clark & Bethany Beal

My Personal Review ~ 5 stars

Another phenomenal read and awesome resource from sisters, Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal! I had the privilege of being on the launch team for Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart, and let me tell you, it is not a book that you want to miss! I was stunned and blessed. This is a message I’m so excited for! It is simply, beautifully another tool in helping us women discover the freedom of living out our sexuality God’s way.

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I think one of the reasons I was so excited to read Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart is because we as the Church don’t talk much about lust being a girl’s problem … or about our sexuality in general! And as a result, I believe Satan has a foothold in many a woman’s life. Our idea of sex is twisted and we struggle with fear, shame, and secret sexual sin.

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Kristen and Bethany don’t shy away from the raw, tough questions and shameful topics. They dive right in. They share their own stories of sexual sin and of finding forgiveness and freedom. They share hope. They get to the heart of the issue, and give practical tips to avoid temptation.

Reading this book could seriously be life-changing for some girl. I read a book that tackled the topic of sexual sin (Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge) when I was a young teen, and it changed the course of my life. And I believe Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart is an even more precious book on this topic because it is so centered on Christ, and it is so personal, honest, hopeful, and empathetic.

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And holistic, if that’s the right word. We’re not just talking about how to avoid sexual sin. We’re talking about our design as human beings … how God created us as sexual beings in the beginning. And how that sexuality is good! How our sexual design can point us to God. Yes, sexual intimacy was created exclusively for marriage, but we are sexual beings whether we’re married or not, and so understanding God’s design for our sexuality is vital. It is an intricate part of our lives!

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Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart talks about the universal sexual brokenness. It talks about same-sex attraction, and the truth that male, female, and marriage were created specifically and purposefully by God. It speaks on being made for intimacy, imperfect purity, battling temptation, and real freedom. Again and again, we are reminded that our sexual longings point to an even deeper need – the need for Jesus Christ. He can truly satisfy our souls.

Something that I enjoyed about this book was how it quoted renowned Christian authors and speakers such as John Piper, Dannah Gresh, Dr. Juli Slattery, Jackie Hill Perry, Joshua Harris, and more. And, of course, the Holy Bible! Scripture is what we must always line up our ideas against and see if they match. Because God’s Word is our absolute truth.

I love reading about God’s design for marriage and sex. It is truly beautiful! And the way it points to Christ and the Church … the Creator and our relationship with Him … is magnificent. When we realize the amazing design and purpose of sex, we dare not tarnish its beauty. It is too good to fool around with!

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I hope you all will give this book a chance, even if you don’t normally read nonfiction. It flows along well and is easy to read. Kristen and Bethany help us to recognize God’s awesome design for sex and intimacy as laid out in the holy Scriptures. They show that the hold that sexual sin has on you can be broken! You can find forgiveness, new beginnings, and glorious beauty as you turn to Him and use your sexuality as God designed!

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Our brilliant, loving Creator’s plan for sexuality is obviously the very best. It was His design in the first place! We can trust that. We don’t have to live in sexual brokenness and depravity. By His strength, we can rise up to beautiful heights of purity, holiness, blissful joy, and freedom.

I’m so glad this book was written! Dear women, read this book. I think it will help you to understand your sexuality and the desires that come with that. It will help you to honor marriage and sexual intimacy. And find your deepest satisfaction and hope in Christ!

This book includes discussion questions at the back of the book for each chapter. I can’t wait to go through it with a group of women!

I received a complimentary copy of Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart from Baker Books Publishers and the authors. This review is honest and all my own.

 

***Originally posted on Between the Pages of This Bookish Life on April 30th, 2019***

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“Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart” Book Talk!

Hello, my lovely readers! I’m so sorry that I haven’t been posting regularly. I’m not sure what happened … *looks bewildered*

Anyway, there is a new book releasing that I want you all to know about. Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart: Discovering the Beauty and Freedom of God-Defined Sexuality is Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal’s third book! Their ministry, @GirlDefined, has really impacted my life. I love their books. And I so truly want you to read them! These sisters are passionate about helping women find their identity in Christ and live out His design in freedom and joy! ❤

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Find Kristen and Bethany on their website, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram! Bethany, and her husband, Dav, also have a fun Youtube channel: Dav and Bethy.

So, this book is releasing the 30th of this month, April! I’m so excited! I’m praying for God to work mightily in the lives of the women who read this book. I’m part of the launch team, so I received an early copy of Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart. It has been phenomenal! Look for my personal book review soon! And watch my unboxing video on Youtube!

If you pre-order by the 29th, you will receive some FREE, special bonuses such as an adult coloring book, an audiobook, and a private Q&A with the authors + their husbands!

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I hope you all will give this book a chance … even if you don’t normally read nonfiction. Kristen and Bethany help us to recognize God’s awesome design for sex and intimacy as laid out in the holy Scriptures. They show that you can truly find freedom from sexual sin! You can find forgiveness, new beginnings, and glorious beauty as you turn to Him and use your sexuality as God designed!

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Kristen and Bethany don’t shy away from the tough questions and shameful topics. They get to the heart of the issue.

Our brilliant, loving Creator designed us all as sexual beings, and obviously, His plan for that sexuality is the very best. We don’t have to live in sexual immorality. By His strength we can rise up to beautiful heights of purity and holiness and freedom. Our sexuality has very intricate purpose in our lives.

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So yes, I highly encourage you to read this book, fellow women! And read Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity and Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships, if you haven’t yet!

Read this book. Do a book study on it with your girl friends. We are all sexually broken. But we can find wholeness in Christ. Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart is simply, beautifully another tool to help us discover that … and the beauty of living out our sexuality God’s way.

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Sexy Christians

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As a Christian, how would you describe purity?

If we are image-bearers and adopted children of an absolutely pure God, how should purity manifest itself in our own hearts and lives?

We all know that pornography is a major issue for men … and increasingly so even within the Church. Something we may not realize is how big of an issue it is for women. Lately, it seems I’ve been coming across a lot of women giving testimonies of their struggle with porn and lust.

And it’s opening my eyes to the impurity that we as Christians have slowly allowed to saturate our lives.

I’m here to discuss entertainment and social media. Movies. TV shows. Books. Magazines. Blogs. Instagram. Particularly, faith-based entertainment. Christian movies aren’t as much of a problem, but women’s Christian literature is too often filled with sensuality.

Christian fiction.

It’s just a romance novel, you may say, It’s not pornography! It’s not like I’m looking at inappropriate images.

But if that scene is bringing up images in your head that you’re fantasizing over, how is it different from visiting a porn site? (And I know some women visit porn sites as well. But I just want to focus mostly on books in this post.)

There’s a different between reading about a sweet love story, and consuming a scene saturated with sensual imagery that stimulates a sexual reaction.

Christian authors, since when is it okay to write in a way that stirs up feelings that are only meant to be experienced between a husband and wife?

Married or unmarried, you should not be watching movies or reading books that awaken sexual feelings in you … That should come exclusively from your spouse! Not from peering into the private relationship of an imaginary couple on a screen or within the pages of a book. Why has this become acceptable?

Even if the books you read aren’t graphic or extremely explicit (most Christian books aren’t), would you watch your neighbor do what this fictional couple is doing? Why do we need to feel what she’s feeling when he kisses her? I know we want to feel like we are the character when we read a novel, but some things are better experienced in real life with the person you marry (married)!

Song of Solomon 2:7

I charge you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
By the gazelles or by the does of the field,
Do not stir up nor awaken love
Until it pleases.

If you are going to romance books, Christian or otherwise, to awaken that type of sexual feelings, you have an unhealthy addiction. A sin problem. And even if you aren’t searching for that type of content, if you keep coming across books that are exposing you to an intimacy and awakening of feelings reserved for a different time, I would caution you.

And I caution authors. Be careful of what you write and send out to the public!

Dear sisters in Christ, your purity is precious and valuable. Guard it. Go above and beyond to honor God with your body. Think of how beautiful and exciting it would be to come to your husband as a new bride and let him awaken true and pure love in you … unencumbered by worldly expectations, confusion, shame, guilt, impure experience, and addiction!

1 Corinthians 6:18-20

18 Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

I am increasingly bewildered and upset by what Christian authors are selling us. Some of it is none other than a trap for young women. An endangerment to purity. An unexpectedly captivating luring into sexual temptation and sin.

An intriguing adventure and rich historical setting. Flawless writing and authentic characters. …And a scene of our main characters making out that goes on for pages. They never actually go all the way. Of course not. That would never do for a Christian novel! But I think I’m correct in saying that pages of describing sexual feelings and scenes is inappropriate and bound to cause many a Christian woman to struggle.

God created us as sexual beings. But it was not meant for us to be exposed to some of the things that we are. Like when a man is bombarded with sexy, half-dressed women on billboards, it naturally awakens feelings and causes a reaction. But this is not acting on one’s sexuality purely, and such feelings & following thoughts must be taken captive and made obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:4-5

For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,

The Bible says that marriage is honorable among all. And the marriage bed is undefiled. It is a devastating thing that Christian literature may be defiling the sexual relationship that you have, or will have, with your spouse.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;

I want us to take note of this. Seriously consider it.

More and more Christian authors are coming out with books whose covers portray a sexy woman with a low neckline and sensual gaze. And many have scenes I feel are wholly inappropriate and uncalled for. Most of the novels in the Christian market have kissing scenes. “Scene” meaning it’s described in some detail. I’m not trying to make too big of a deal over kissing. Romance is a beautiful thing, and my heart always flutters when I watch a genuine, godly relationship unfold. But Christian authors, I just want to implore you to be careful. Crossing the line when it comes to sexual impurity is sometimes a very easy thing to do.

// Read my previous blog post on the subject of sensual content in Christian fiction – Does What I Read Honor God? //

If you’re writing a romance, be diligent in godliness. Pray and think. Ponder over the scenes you’re writing. Ask God for His imput.

Adding edgy details. Writing a glorified account of the past affair between two now-godly characters. Penning those swoon-worthy kissing scenes…

What is your motive? Is it glorifying to the Lord Jesus Christ?

Psalm 119:9-13

How can a young man cleanse his way?
By taking heed according to Your word.
10 With my whole heart I have sought You;
Oh, let me not wander from Your commandments!
11 Your word I have hidden in my heart,
That I might not sin against You.
12 Blessed are You, O Lord!
Teach me Your statutes.
13 With my lips I have declared
All the judgments of Your mouth.

Why, writers and readers … Christians in general … has sensuality become so normal that we have Christian women flaunting their bodies on Instagram and even in church, reading edgy romance novels, and watching sex scenes in movies like it’s no big deal? Normal and acceptable?

What happened to the call to holiness? And let’s be practical about this. We are called to be different from the world. And we can be. We have the power of Christ at work in us. We can be holy – set apart.

There is no such thing as sexy Christians.

We are called to absolute purity – no room for compromise!

Ephesians 5:1-7

Therefore be imitators of God as dear children. And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.

But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks. For this you know, that no fornicator, unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. Therefore do not be partakers with them.

Colossians 3:5-7

Therefore put to death your members which are on the earth: fornication, uncleanness, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. Because of these things the wrath of God is coming upon the sons of disobedience, in which you yourselves once walked when you lived in them.

So be careful about the books you’re reading, the movies you’re watching, the songs you’re listening to … all the things you’re filling your mind with. As an unmarried, Christian person, there is no room to be indulging in sexual gratification. And as a married, Christian person, there is only room to experience sexual gratification with your spouse. No exceptions. God created sexual feelings and such for a man and his wife. The end.

To experience sexual pleasure anywhere else is to pervert God’s beautiful, flawless design. And it is a grievous thing, indeed.

Now, this is not to say that young women mustn’t know anything about sexuality, or romance, or read books on this subject. In fact, I think it is important to get a healthy view of God’s design for sex before the world exposes you to its twisted, yucky version.

With that, here are a few Christian books on sexuality & romance that I recommend:

Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships by Kristen Clark and Bethany Baird

Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart: Discovering the Beauty and Freedom of God-Defined Sexuality by Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal (haven’t actually read this one yet, but pretty sure I’m going to recommend it!)

Passion and Purity: Learning to Bring Your Love Life Under Christ’s Control by Elisabeth Elliot

Quest for Love: True Stories of Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot

Every Young Woman’s Battle: Guarding Your Mind, Heart, and Body in a Sex-Saturated World by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn

Every Woman’s Battle: Discovering God’s Plan for Sexual and Emotional Fulfillment by Shannon Ethridge

And the Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity by Dannah Gresh

Answering the Guy Questions: The Set-Apart Girl’s Guide to Relating to the Opposite Sex by Leslie Ludy

When Dreams Come True: A Love Story Only God Could Write by Eric & Leslie Ludy

Sex and the Single Girl by Juli Slattery

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Philippians 4:8

Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

Psalm 51:10

10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.

Continuing the Modesty Conversation

Good morning, readers! I’m bringing up modesty again, whether you’re ready for it or not. 😉

Colossians 3:1-3

If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth. For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God.

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If you’ve not read my previous two posts on this topic, Beautifully Modest and Look at My Heart, I would love for you to check them out and give me your thoughts.

So, thoughts on modesty have been invading my head lately. I’ve come across heartfelt Youtube videos on it, and it’s just been on my heart and mind. Not in a heavy, scary way. But, perhaps, in an “I-want-to-do-better” way.

I want to be more intentional about walking by the Spirit in this area. I usually try to be very intentional about what movies I watch, books I read, songs I listen to … especially if people are looking to my example … like, is this honoring to God? Is it edifying to others who see me? To my own walk? Am I representing my God well?

Romans 8:12-14

12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God.

I have always been naturally more modest. And I had to come to a place of realizing my freedom in Christ and that I am not personally responsible for men’s sin. They make their choices. I don’t have to walk around always fearful that I might make someone sin because I wore the “wrong” thing.

However, it occurred to me that I could be more intentional in this area, just as I am striving to be in every other area of my life.

Not in a fearful way. Not in a legalistic way. How about in an intentionally loving my brothers and sisters in Christ way? Intentionally serving them? Intentionally sacrificing my own wants and selfish desires for them? Intentionally striving to represent my holy King well?

1 Timothy 5:1-2

Do not rebuke an older man, but exhort him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters, with all purity.

Isn’t this what Jesus Christ did? Made Himself a servant for us?

John 13:3-5

Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, and that He had come from God and was going to God, rose from supper and laid aside His garments, took a towel and girded Himself. After that, He poured water into a basin and began to wash the disciples’ feet, and to wipe them with the towel with which He was girded.

Yes, girls.  Yes, do this for your brothers. Do it for Christ first, but also dress modestly for men. There is nothing weak about humbling yourself and sacrificing your wants for the sake of another.

Why do I think that I haven’t been intentional? Well, there are times that I put on an outfit and feel a slight hesitation in my spirit. But I brush it off because:

I’m not wearing a bikini. Check.

I’m not wearing leggings as pants. Check.

I’m not revealing any cleavage. Check.

I’m not showing my midriff. Check.

Right? I’m good. So I ignore the check in my spirit and go on with my day. But maybe it was the Holy Spirit? Maybe I should have gone to a trusted man and asked his opinion. Is this something that you believe, as a man who understands men’s brains, would cause my brothers in Christ to stumble?

Galatians 5:16-18

16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh17 For the flesh lusts against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh; and these are contrary to one another, so that you do not do the things that you wish. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

I have worn things that I later looked back and thought: Would I have worn that if a bunch of young men who I cared about were coming to my house? Would I feel upset if a woman wore a similar outfit in front of my brothers or future husband?

I don’t want to be the woman who’s causing boys to stumble and men to struggle.

I don’t want to pass by my future husband on the street one day and him have to bounce his eyes.

But the thing is, I’m not a man and I truly can’t fully understand the male brain.

What amount of tightness is the “too tight” that causes that initial reaction which could lead to sin if not fought against?

What amount of skin?

What parts of the body? Are sleeveless shirts and shorts a couple of inches above the knee no problem? If a girl wears a somewhat low-cut shirt but shows no cleavage, is that just fine?

I think Christian men and women need to come together and seek God on this matter.

Colossians 3:12-17

12 Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering13 bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.

Because perhaps not too many years ago, all the blame for a man’s lust was put on women. Her body was oversexualized. She was seen as more an object and temptation than human and soul.

This scarred women deeply.

And it was not right. Boys need to be taught that they are fully responsible for their thoughts and actions. Their lust and their sin. They need to be taught how to view a woman and how to value, honor, and protect her. They should learn practical tips like bouncing their eyes, taking every thought captive, and meditating on Scripture when unable to avoid scantily-clad women.

But, to the same measure, girls need to be taught their responsibility. That their body is a temple of God and their sexuality is sacred and private. That dressing in a “sexy” way – in a way that is showing some nakedness – will  automatically cause a struggle for boys and men. Because God (did you catch that? God.) created men to desire a woman’s body. This He created for the beautiful, sacred, private sexual relationship between a husband and wife.

Thus, women should dress in a way that does not trigger those desires made for within the bonds of marriage alone.

We can dress beautifully. Cute. Fashionably. Trendy. We can have our own, individual style.

But not sensual. Not sexy. Not in a way that draws overwhelming attention to our curves. That shows off private parts or leads the eyes toward private parts.

Wear colors that make your eyes pop and your face glow; that compliment your hair color. Wear styles that show you’re a beautiful, feminine woman, but don’t cling to your body to show every curve and line.

1 Peter 3:1-4

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.

So, these are some helpful tips. But I still deeply wish I could study this topic with other Christian women. But I can’t hardly.

Hebrews 10:24

24 And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works,

Do you know why?

Because women refuse to talk about it or acknowledge there’s a problem.

It seems, after being hurt, scarred, and stripped of their innate worth to be made merely an object of temptation or to be played with, women hardened their hearts.

I say this with all seriousness.

The Bible talks about modesty, and purity, and humility, and your body not being your own, and not being a stumbling block for your family in Christ.

But the Church doesn’t want to talk about it. Christian women don’t want to talk about it. They ignore it. They get massively defensive. They get angry. They say things like: “I can wear whatever I want.” “It’s the man’s problem, not mine.” “Don’t tell me what to wear; it’s my body!” “Get your mind out of the gutter.”

Women viciously attack any man or woman who would dare tell them what to do.

She flies in the face of her husband when he brings up modesty and concerns about her manner of dress, and then gets upset when he admits how hard it is to be out and about when women are dressed immodestly.

Why do you have to be like that?

Because God made me this way.

Women, do you hear the plea in these unspoken words from the men in your life?

No, God did not create man to sin. To objectify you in his mind. To lust after you. To use your body for his gain.

But He did create him to be attracted to and desire a woman’s body. For within the confines of marriage.

Yet when we women are dressing in a way that shows off our bodies and nakedness that should only be seen within a marriage covenant, temptations naturally arise for men.

Think about your temptations. How would you feel if your brothers in Christ shoved them in your face? Or brushed off your concerns and asking for help?

1 Thessalonians 5:11

11 Therefore comfort each other and edify one another,

In this culture, the truth is:

Women have made themselves their own god.

You can’t tell me what to wear.

You’re the sinner. It’s your issue.

I don’t care about your struggle.

It’s my body.

I can wear whatever I want.

No man is going to tell me what to do.

Those phrases should grieve your heart, Christian women. Look at them. Hear them spoken in your head. Line them up against the Word of God.

Does that sound like a woman of God?

No.

Galatians 5:22-26

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. 24 And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 26 Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

1 John 4:20-21

20 If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? 21 And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.

Proverbs 15:5

A fool despises his father’s instruction,
But he who receives correction is prudent.

Woman, you were never meant to be trampled on. Beat down. Objectified. Oversexualized. Abused. Hurt. Treated less than men.

But this that you have turned to, it is no solution.

Dressing half-naked. Being sensual. Flaunting your body to every boy and man you walk by. Enjoying this power it gives you over men. Baring yourself in public while nursing a baby because it’s your body and it’s natural. Celebrating other women who flaunt their nakedness in public. Blaming all the sin, putting all the fault on men.

Don’t you see? This is worship of yourself and your body.

You’re putting yourself and your wants and your freedom before everything else. You plow over everyone else and disregard their struggles and hurts because it’s your body and it’s natural and you’re a woman!

Like women are gods who can do whatever they want.

Philippians 2:3-4

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24

23 All things are lawful for me, but not all things are helpful; all things are lawful for me, but not all things edify24 Let no one seek his own, but each one the other’s well-being.

You’re getting angry at brothers in Christ (and sisters) who try to rebuke in love or bring up sensitive topics. You’re trying to be independent of men. You’re not respecting or honoring any men – because you’re a woman and they can’t tell you what to do. You’re refusing to submit to men – to your husband.

Do you know what God created marriage to be a picture of? Christ and the Church.

Ephesians 5:22-33

22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church33 Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

When you have this pride, this angry independence, this bitterness, this self-focus, this arrogance, this refusal to submit – do you know who you’re really refusing to submit to?

God.

Feel the heaviness of that.

Women, we have been blinded.

When we go sauntering around like: I don’t have to submit to no man and no one can tell me what to do or wear. It’s my life and my body!

Then we are not following Christ. We have made ourselves independent of God. We are not submitting to Him and we are not loving Him.

Ephesians 4:1-3

I, therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you to walk worthy of the calling with which you were calledwith all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. 

This is grievous.

Truly heart-wrenching.

It’s time to repent, women.

Ephesians 4:30-32

30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. 32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

Matthew 25:40

40 And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.’

I’m not saying that you haven’t been hurt. I’m not saying it’s easy to sacrifice your wants for others. I’m not saying that your husband is easy to submit to. But you chose him.

And you can’t pick and choose what to believe and what to follow from the Bible. That’s not a true follower of Christ.

God says: women, submit. (As the Church is supposed to willingly submit to Christ because He is her head and has saved her and given up His life for her.)

God says: Be pure. Be holy. Dress decently. Don’t cause your brother to stumble.

Does the way you dress make you feel pure and holy? Does it cause anyone to stumble?

Romans 14:12-13 & 21

12 So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. 13 Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.

21 It is good neither to eat meat nor drink wine nor do anything by which your brother stumbles or is offended or is made weak.

God says: love.

1 John 3:16

16 By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.

Romans 12:9-11

Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord;

When did we decide it’s alright to ignore, deride, and trample on men (and people in general) to elevate ourselves?

When did we decide that no matter the harm it may cause someone else, we can wear and do what we want because it’s our body?

Well, I have news. It is not your body. Your body belongs to God. He bought it with His blood. Have you ever bought something with your blood?

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.

And, if you are married, your body belongs to your husband.

1 Corinthians 7:4

The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.

Just as his belongs to you. So if he comes to you with concerns about what you’re wearing or how you’re presenting yourself, LISTEN TO WHAT HE HAS TO SAY. Just give him the respect, honor, and love he should have as God’s adopted son. Or, even if he’s not a Christian, he’s still a human created in God’s image and you should respect him.

1 Peter 2:17

17 Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God. Honor the king.

Women, if a man comes to you with a concern, like: Hey, what you were wearing the other day was really a stumbling block for me. I had to keep looking away and it made it difficult to be normal and comfortable talking and hanging out with you because I was constantly fighting in my mind to keep myself from sin – to honor you and to honor God.

Listen to him. Don’t get all defensive and angry. Here’s a man who is striving to serve and glorify God. To fight his sin nature. To honor and respect you.

Listen to him and pray earnestly about it.

1 John 2:9-11

He who says he is in the light, and hates his brother, is in darkness until now. 10 He who loves his brother abides in the light, and there is no cause for stumbling in him11 But he who hates his brother is in darkness and walks in darkness, and does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes.

And men, I would insert here, be very careful about having these conversations. If you’re going up to one specific girl, be sure you consider what your relationship is with her, and where her own walk with the Lord is. Pray a lot about it.

But don’t be afraid to be real and honest with women in general. We want to know what men have to say about this topic. I’ve watched some Youtube videos from men that weren’t condemning, but really helped me to understand more how it is for men and what I can do to pursue purity with them.

To love them.

Because, we are called to love our brethren. To think of them before ourselves. To humble ourselves. To sacrifice our own liberties if it causes a brother to stumble.

Romans 13:10

10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

We are not our own. But the life we live, we live for Christ.

Colossians 1:17

All things were created through Him and for Him.

So we need to stop living for ourselves and our pleasure, and start living for our God and our beloved sisters and brothers in Christ.

Colossians 1:9-10

For this reason we also, since the day we heard it, do not cease to pray for you, and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding; 10 that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;